Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
