I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
