Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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