I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
