Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
