Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm bleeding and have questions
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
