I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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