I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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