At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
