This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
