Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
