All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
