wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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