I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
