He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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