everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
