She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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