if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
