I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
