is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
