Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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