My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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