I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
