I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
