P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
