So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
