Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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