You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
