DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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