She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
