with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
