i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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