My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
