He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
