Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
