i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
