if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
