I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
