Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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