So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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