I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
