so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
