White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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