Define "chronic" masturbator.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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