If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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