Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
