who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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