Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
