Kiss
Puke
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
