i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
