Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
