I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
