my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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